Naked Truths

  • The honest reason I never ask for anything for my birthday or Christmas is because most of the time I don’t feel like I deserve it.
  • I want Into The West from Annie Lennox and Howard Shore played at my funeral.
  • I often imagine fights with people that I hope never happen and always think about apologies I’ll never receive.

…I get tired of trying, ideas die on the vine and I feel like a fake…

  • I have the Facebook app on my phone in a folder labeled ‘useless’
  • I got my screen name from the wraith in Advanced Dungeons & Dragons.  I used to throw them at players every now and then when I used to DM back in high school.  2021 comes from the year that I came up with the screen name, I was 20 about to turn 21.
  • I sometimes wish my mother was still alive so she could see what horrible people her children have turned into.

…the human animal is a beautiful and terrible creature, capable of limitless compassion and unfathomable cruelty…

  • I suffer from survivor’s guilt.  I never knew this thing I felt had a name or that it was even a thing until Alex’s mom brought it to my attention one day at lunch.
  • When people are online and not talking to me, even though I’m trying to carry a conversation with them, it’s very off putting.  It makes me feel like River Tam from the end of the movie Firefly when they reach Miranda.
  • I have a world in Minecraft (filename: Narnia) that I work on from time to time.  I think I’d like it to be a memorial after I’m gone.

…I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful…

  • I still believe that my father was disappointed in me for not joining the military in his footsteps.
  • The sun rose, the sun set.  Time was a rigid set table, a strict schedule.  My day to day life was set.  This lasted for 18 years, then chaos.
  • I’ve imagine my wedding to be everything from an extravagant entrance with myself and my husband on horseback entering to the opening theme from Skyrim to a posh procession to the tune of Headlines from the Spice Girls.  I’ve settled on a masquerade ball so people can come dressed how they want (cosplay, fancy dress, etc.)

…Let’s make the headlines, loud and true, I wanna tell the world I’m giving it all to you…

  • My biological family (specifically my siblings) never really treated me like a person or a member of the family, more like an annoyance they were forced to put up with simply because we are related.
  • I really need to stop letting people ruin things for me that I love.
  • I still haven’t watched the last season of Fringe because I just don’t want the show to be over.

…But you left me far behind…

  • Sometimes I pretend that my biological father is off somewhere doing one last mission for the government, serving his country one last time, instead of being dead.
  • I don’t drive or own a car because I refuse to willingly help with the destruction of the planet.  It just feels wrong somehow…but I do think Jeeps are kinda sexy.  Judge me, I don’t care.
  • I often imagine insanely cool music videos with me and all my friends when I’m listening to music.  Too bad I can’t do animation.

…We used to love ourselves, we used to love one another…

  • I still remember my subscriber number for Nintendo Power magazine from the 90s.
  • I want to learn how to code apps for iPhone/iOS and Android so I can make a tabletop character generator that doesn’t suck or require a web browser.
  • Once got singled out of a 40 person LARP to be told “it’s ok that you’re gay” by an acquaintance I now refer to as ‘ass gravy’

…it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry…

  • It just seriously pisses me off that, when I’m asked what’s wrong or what happened I get the shit nagged out of me until I answer. But when I ask what’s wrong or what happened I get ignored or brushed aside and that seems to be fine with everyone.
  • I don’t like kids.  Didn’t like them when I WAS a kid.
  • I really hate it when I add someone on Facebook only to find out they’re a judgmental prick.

…you live, you learn…

  • My adopted mother doesn’t know, but I really can’t stand the sound of dogs barking continuously.  Right up there with crying babies and children.
  • I always feel like I fuck things up even when I’m reassured by others that I didn’t.
  • The fact that the PlayStation 4 is already 5 years old (February 20, 2013) is a little scary to me.  Where did the time go?

…if we met tomorrow for the very first time, would it start all over again, would I try to make you mine…

  • I really can’t stand it when people abbreviate ‘you’re’ to ‘ur’.  In fact I can’t stand it when people use a letter in place of a word either.  Quit being fucking lazy.
  • I never really intend to publish this post, but only time will tell.
  • The Dumbshits Guide to Dark Souls just might be the best thing ever.

…once again if we endeavor, love will bring us back together…

  • Occasionally I’ll find a guy that I think is very sexy but has some pretty ugly or stupid looking tattoos.
  • I miss LAN parties
  • I might add more to this as time goes on.

…I can’t be mapped, I can’t be cloned
I can’t c-flat, it ain’t my tone…

  • Most of the time when I post entries here I feel like I’m just talking to the void.