Backlog Barrage

I’ve been having a (mostly) lovely day playing No Man’s Sky NEXT update (posts forthcoming) but after about the 8th or 9th game crash I decided to take a break from my perilous journey to the galactic core and let my head clear of the dizzying amount of crafting formula I had acquired all day to address something.

My backlog, and the fact that I need a break, or a way out, from Destiny 2.

I’ve decided that Destiny 2’s next expansion – Forsaken – is going to be my last for a while.  I’m settling for the plain $40 version of the expansion instead of springing for the one with all the bells and whistles – the season pass and all of Cayde’s goodies – just doesn’t really do anything for me.  It’s just going to be filler material until Bungie has time to roll out the next story based expansion and I’m taking this as the sign I’ve been looking for to get out of Destiny 2 and chip away at my backlog.  This offering from Bungie combined with the fact that nearly a year later I haven’t been able to get a single group together to do Leviathan or either of its Lairs (or is it Layers? at this point I don’t think it really matters) even though we’re now overpowered and can kill just about anything in there with ease (at least I can when I decide to go in solo to look around and admire the view.)  Matty recently suggested I use the Destiny 2 LFG server on Discord, but that idea fills me with as much hope as Voldemort’s administration over Hogwarts and enough bile to fill my toilet.  After my LFG experiences with I think I might be better off just sitting it out and chalking this up to a loss.

The drama with my clan and their lack of interest to do anything beyond a few weekly milestones has all but destroyed any interest I have in the game.  It just feels like an obligation.  At least Matty’s managed to get a couple of raid clears with Claire and her group, so now he understands my interest in this part of the content.  So there’s that at least.  Once I’m done with what Forsaken has to offer, that’s that.  I’m tired of tirelessly (and thanklessly) logging in week after week and grinding my time away to get my share of clan XP completed for the week, only to see that no one else is putting in the work.  So I’m going to put my time to better use, and that’s to start working on the ridiculous backlog I’ve created.

I’ve already taken a few steps toward finishing what I’ve got.  Back in 2010-2011, I started thinking about how I was going to finish all these games, so I did a cursory Google search and came across a couple articles:

How To Beat 400 Games In 4.5 Years


How to Finally Beat the Unfinished Games In Your Never-Ending Backlog

Both of those articles led me to a couple sites that would be the tools that I’ll need for this mad man’s quest.  The first site, The Backloggery, I joined back in 2011 and have, for the most part, consistently used it throughout the years to track my collection (both physical and digital) of games and completions/triumphs.  I need to get out of my head a little bit though, when it comes to inputting certain games into my backlog.  Like, for example, any fighting game or a score chase game.  In the case of the fighting game, you can technically pick one person from the roster and complete the story portion of the game to get to the end credits screen and consider it beaten, but can you call it completed?  Or can you call it completed once you’ve beaten the game with every character and unlocked all the unlockables?  Same with score chase games like Geometry Wars or Pac-Man Championship Edition.  You never really beat it since you’re continuously trying to get a higher and higher score, so do you consider it complete when you have all the achievements/trophies or do you mark it as ‘null’ since it never ends?  These are the silly things that keep me awake at night.  It wasn’t until Matty came along that I really started to pay attention to what I’m playing and how many games I actually finish in a year, thanks to him opening me up to the fact that there are forum threads where people discuss and compare what they’ve played and finished in a year’s time.  I love him and all, but this is a bit stressful to try to figure out, haha (love you sweet pea ♥).

The second site, HowLongToBeat, I didn’t think too much about until recent idiotic schedule changes at work have left me wondering when I’ll have time to do anything outside that miserable cesspool.  HowLongToBeat gives players a rough estimate (based on user data) of how long it’s going to take to either finish the “main quest” so to speak or to flat out 100% complete the game.  Considering there are some meaty games in my backlog, I decided a few weeks ago that now is the time to put the site and its data to use.

So the other day I came up with this:

The key

The first 2 columns, of course, will let me show if a game is simply beaten (as in the main story quest, main objective, all the levels have been cleared, etc).  After that I decided to sort of color code the game titles by ecosystem:  blue for PlayStation games, red for Nintendo games and green for Xbox games.  After No Man’s Sky decided to crash on me earlier, I figured I might as well get started.  I grabbed the first sheet and, since its the ecosystem I have the fewest games on, started writing down all my Xbox games.

Obviously I forgot to add a column for 100% completion.

Writing it out like that makes me feel a lot more confident about actually going through with this.  Looking at it like this makes it feel a lot more digestible than the format of my lists on The Backloggery.  Although, there was one entry on the list that I found a little funny:

I find it a bit hard to swallow that it only takes 46 hours to simply beat all the games in The Master Chief Collection.  That feels a bit low to me.  And I’m guessing the 114 hours in Minecraft is starting Survival Mode and going all the way through until you defeat the dragon at The End?  I will probably just mark this as a ‘null’ in my backlog since it doesn’t really end.  And I have no idea why PUBG has 135 hours, that game doesn’t end either!

The only other snafu I ran into while inputting all these into my HowLongToBeat list was Fallout 3:

I’m not sure why we need to separate all the DLC out like that, and, I hope when I get around to inputting PlayStation and Nintendo games that I don’t run into this again because that’s just a bit too time consuming.  I suppose I understand why it’s like that since these are all major story based additions.  I’m not really sure how I’m going to handle DLC for games now that I think about it.  I guess I’ll figure it out on a case by case basis.  Anyway, looking at just the Xbox games in my backlog, HowLongToBeat claims I’m looking at 51 days of playtime.  That’s not as bad as I was expecting, but I think it’s somehow wrong.  My idea of having “finished” a game is seeing an end credit screen similar to the people’s requirements from Resetera/NeoGAF threads, so some of these games – specifically the ones that are pure score chase games or that are MMO like – are gonna be disqualified from my list so I might be looking at less time than is listed on HowLongToBeat.  I’m also happy that HowLongToBeat has an integrated timer so I don’t have to depend on the app on my phone unless I’m out and about with a portable of some kind.

All in all I’m feeling pretty optimistic about this project, and with any luck I’ll be able to report that I’m making significant progress.


Naked Truths

  • The honest reason I never ask for anything for my birthday or Christmas is because most of the time I don’t feel like I deserve it.
  • I want Into The West from Annie Lennox and Howard Shore played at my funeral.
  • I often imagine fights with people that I hope never happen and always think about apologies I’ll never receive.

…I get tired of trying, ideas die on the vine and I feel like a fake…

  • I have the Facebook app on my phone in a folder labeled ‘useless’
  • I got my screen name from the wraith in Advanced Dungeons & Dragons.  I used to throw them at players every now and then when I used to DM back in high school.  2021 comes from the year that I came up with the screen name, I was 20 about to turn 21.
  • I sometimes wish my mother was still alive so she could see what horrible people her children have turned into.

…the human animal is a beautiful and terrible creature, capable of limitless compassion and unfathomable cruelty…

  • I suffer from survivor’s guilt.  I never knew this thing I felt had a name or that it was even a thing until Alex’s mom brought it to my attention one day at lunch.
  • When people are online and not talking to me, even though I’m trying to carry a conversation with them, it’s very off putting.  It makes me feel like River Tam from the end of the movie Firefly when they reach Miranda.
  • I have a world in Minecraft (filename: Narnia) that I work on from time to time.  I think I’d like it to be a memorial after I’m gone.

…I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful…

  • I still believe that my father was disappointed in me for not joining the military in his footsteps.
  • The sun rose, the sun set.  Time was a rigid set table, a strict schedule.  My day to day life was set.  This lasted for 18 years, then chaos.
  • I’ve imagine my wedding to be everything from an extravagant entrance with myself and my husband on horseback entering to the opening theme from Skyrim to a posh procession to the tune of Headlines from the Spice Girls.  I’ve settled on a masquerade ball so people can come dressed how they want (cosplay, fancy dress, etc.)

…Let’s make the headlines, loud and true, I wanna tell the world I’m giving it all to you…

  • My biological family (specifically my siblings) never really treated me like a person or a member of the family, more like an annoyance they were forced to put up with simply because we are related.
  • I really need to stop letting people ruin things for me that I love.
  • I still haven’t watched the last season of Fringe because I just don’t want the show to be over.

…But you left me far behind…

  • Sometimes I pretend that my biological father is off somewhere doing one last mission for the government, serving his country one last time, instead of being dead.
  • I don’t drive or own a car because I refuse to willingly help with the destruction of the planet.  It just feels wrong somehow…but I do think Jeeps are kinda sexy.  Judge me, I don’t care.
  • I often imagine insanely cool music videos with me and all my friends when I’m listening to music.  Too bad I can’t do animation.

…We used to love ourselves, we used to love one another…

  • I still remember my subscriber number for Nintendo Power magazine from the 90s.
  • I want to learn how to code apps for iPhone/iOS and Android so I can make a tabletop character generator that doesn’t suck or require a web browser.
  • Once got singled out of a 40 person LARP to be told “it’s ok that you’re gay” by an acquaintance I now refer to as ‘ass gravy’

…it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry…

  • It just seriously pisses me off that, when I’m asked what’s wrong or what happened I get the shit nagged out of me until I answer. But when I ask what’s wrong or what happened I get ignored or brushed aside and that seems to be fine with everyone.
  • I don’t like kids.  Didn’t like them when I WAS a kid.
  • I really hate it when I add someone on Facebook only to find out they’re a judgmental prick.

…you live, you learn…

  • My adopted mother doesn’t know, but I really can’t stand the sound of dogs barking continuously.  Right up there with crying babies and children.
  • I always feel like I fuck things up even when I’m reassured by others that I didn’t.
  • The fact that the PlayStation 4 is already 5 years old (February 20, 2013) is a little scary to me.  Where did the time go?

…if we met tomorrow for the very first time, would it start all over again, would I try to make you mine…

  • I really can’t stand it when people abbreviate ‘you’re’ to ‘ur’.  In fact I can’t stand it when people use a letter in place of a word either.  Quit being fucking lazy.
  • I never really intend to publish this post, but only time will tell.
  • The Dumbshits Guide to Dark Souls just might be the best thing ever.

…once again if we endeavor, love will bring us back together…

  • Occasionally I’ll find a guy that I think is very sexy but has some pretty ugly or stupid looking tattoos.
  • I miss LAN parties
  • I might add more to this as time goes on.

…I can’t be mapped, I can’t be cloned
I can’t c-flat, it ain’t my tone…

  • Most of the time when I post entries here I feel like I’m just talking to the void.

Relationships, part 18

Or, People Have Been Dicks Edition

Well, this vacation week started off great but has suddenly and quickly turned abysmal.

This past Friday, after acquiring my Xbox One X, Alex and I were in the drive thru picking up dinner when he decided to add me to the Discord server that he and some other of my local gamer friends were a part of.  It felt good, being able to hang out and chat with them again even if it was virtual.  All day Saturday while grinding away in Destiny 2’s last Faction Rally for the season (yay for getting 2 of the 3 Exotic Weapon catalysts) I enjoyed reading along the Discord chat as the others talked passionately about Warhammer 40k, only commenting here and there if I felt I had something to contribute.  I used to field Tau back when we all played here at my house, but sold them off once the hobby became too tedious and time consuming for me to handle.  There was also some D&D talk which is my gaming bread and butter though I haven’t had the time or inclination to play for years.

Then came today.

While taking a rest on the couch, I pick up my phone to find a DM from Alex on Discord telling me he’s left the server.  At first I figured he was upset about something that someone had said to him in the chat that I missed, but it turns out he was angry about something someone in the group had said about ME.  “So who is this Ben guy? Not to make a fuss but the server was intended for the gaming table” was the message Alex said he got from one of the others.  There were a few others in the member list that I didn’t know and hadn’t met in person yet so I’m guessing that it was one of them since he didn’t want to name names.  At that point all the motivation I had to get back into gaming with the guys went right out the window after he told me that he explained what my relation was to the people I knew in the group, and he was hoping I’d come with him to game one day, but until then it was getting me used to the group.  He then said he asked if we were cool. Nothing. He waited a day and asked again when he knew they were on. Nothing.  So he left the server without saying a word.  After reading his message, I did the same.  It certainly doesn’t make me motivated to get back into tabletop gaming or to even try to associate with people that do anymore.  Hell it doesn’t even motivate me to even keep up with the industry anymore anyway, hence why it was so easy for me to just sell off the books I didn’t want anymore.  Right this minute I really don’t want the books I’ve kept because I certainly don’t feel welcome in the community.

So much for trying to keep up with so called old friends, right?

Also, there was yesterday.  I wrote about the irritating and upsetting revelation I had with Minecraft and for the most part, by the end of yesterday evening, I was mostly over it and at peace with what happened.  Then, on my way home from dinner, I get a couple messages from Dire asking if I’d be interested in some more Diablo 3 and I said sure.  Once I got home and online however, my interest in the game and my peace of mind was ruined when Dusty decided to make comments about me being angry at how the Minecraft system was set up.  It almost made me feel like he was calling me stupid in a sense and that my memorial idea was dumb.  I decided instead of picking a fight to just be quiet and play Diablo, but with my mic muted and listening to music on my end.  I also decided to spend a few of my character’s unused Paragon points.  My Diablo time was also doubly ruined when, upon entering town, I see the mail icon over the box letting me know I had an unopened gift waiting for me.  It was from Gerry of all people.  The only thing I was interested in at that point was quitting the game and deleting it from my PS4.  I felt a mix of anger and hurt at what he said about me and a slight pinch of ‘maybe he feels remorse and wants to apologize’ but I’m not going to bother unblocking him anywhere to find out if he wants to talk or not.  I think I’m better off without him.

The next cunt on the list that’s been getting under my skin lately is Whitney.  She never asks me anything when she messages me beyond ‘are you coming to my wedding’ and that’s been the whole of our conversations for months.  Never asks how I am or how life is or any other thing beyond her stupid fucking wedding.  In all brutal honesty I don’t really want to go.  I don’t see any reason why I should since no one else that are our mutual friends are going:  Jason isn’t going, neither is Glenn and I’m pretty sure that Alex isn’t invited since his ex wife is in the wedding.  At this point I feel like unfriending her and Michael both, but I don’t feel like dealing with the shit storm that will ensue when I do, so I just leave them there.



So for a while I had been considering the purchase of an Xbox One X ever since it was revealed that Microsoft was planning on making original Xbox and Xbox 360 games backward compatible with their new machine.  I wasn’t really in any hurry to pick one up, but last month when I finally took the plunge and bought a 4K TV after experiencing gaming on the one that my boyfriend has, the desire to pick up the One X intensified until I decided to go for it yesterday.  I’ve spent pretty much all day today re-downloading everything that I had previously purchased on Xbox One, dealing with a lot of lag on Destiny 2 as my Xbox filled itself with lots of digital goodness.

Part of the allure of the One X was – well, is – the idea that I could finally share the world I’d built in Minecraft on PS4 with others.  Since Sony isn’t being friendly with the competition in terms of allowing cross play, I was pretty sure that the idea of my being able to share what I’d built on PS4 was either never going to happen or wouldn’t happen for a very long time (and with a ton of consumer complaints).  I had never intended to revealing this to anyone, but my original intention of my Minecraft creation was so that people had something to remember me by when I had departed this mortal coil and maybe add a few touches here and there as they saw fit.  Once it came to light that cross play wasn’t going to be a thing between the PlayStation ecosystem and others, I began to dreadfully think of re-creating my world within the Xbox ecosystem and establishing a realm that people might be able to access.  The hope that I had was quickly snuffed out.

First, it was brought to my attention that the realms were only accessible by a very small number of people.  But then again, it’s not like I was expecting the whole of the earth’s population to visit my virtual grave, was I?  No big deal, I thought, I only mean for this to matter to a small number of people anyway.  The second thing was something that I was blindsided by and now I’m pretty upset and not sure how to proceed.  You see, when you create a new world in Minecraft (or save file, if you prefer) the game generates the world randomly and gives that world an identifying number, or seed.  My intention was to take the seed number from my PS4 save (found in the title of this post) and plug it into the Xbox game and rebuild my world brick by brick, meticulously switching between the versions of the game and placing things exactly as they were.  However, it seems that seed numbers don’t translate between platforms, so now I’m left with the thought of ‘what am I going to do?’ and ‘fuck it, I’m done.’  It also doesn’t help matters that the Xbox One X version of the game has crashed 3 times trying to generate a new world.

Tooling around with the various choices at my disposal, I came across the option to make my Minecraft world infinite which has somewhat given me some hope that this mess is somehow salvageable.  Rolling the dice one more time before calling it a night, I generate a new Creative/Peaceful Mode seed and spend a few minutes flying around trying to find a new place to being again.  Standing on top of a hill, a whole new world spread before me like a blank canvas – Tomorowland.  Narnia – the world I created on PS4 – I suppose will remain there until such time as I can share it beyond the borders of the PlayStation City State.  For now, it is time to rest and decide where I want to go from here.