Relationships, part 14

At this point, I’m so used to rejection and disappointment that I don’t know what happiness is like or what it was like when I was an ignorant youth.

Was having a pretty rough day yesterday because of thoughts, silly thoughts, I was having.  I ended up sleeping most of the day.  I have someone I follow on my Instagram, his name is Paul, and he lives in the UK.  Every now and then he does a live chat on Instagram and yesterday he was doing one so I decided to tune in while I was playing Minecraft, more or less for some background noise while I was mapping the world.  I like his accent, I could listen to him read the dictionary and get off on it, but, whatever.  Anyway, during the chat, someone said a name and Paul was visibly upset to the point he was nearly in tears.  Don’t know who the named person was or what they did but it appears to have the same effect on him that Philadelphia has on me (or even Philly).  I messaged him and told him I hope he was ok.

Later on, Gerry messaged me on PSN and asked me if I thought he was a boozer.  He’d been drunk the 3 days before that because he was off work.  I opted not to respond to that and just went to sleep.  He’s been acing like Jeffery did with the drinking and, combined with Paul’s reaction, I started thinking about that bastard again.  Still effects me after all this time.  I’m ready to try again, but it’s looking like Marshal nor Gerry is the one and I’m just not interested in bothering to start over with someone else.  I just don’t think I can.

Speaking of Marshal, after I told him about my bad day his response was that I needed to be more social, that I didn’t have enough social activity in my life and that I needed to find a boyfriend to date.  Ummmm….ok….if we’re not dating or boyfriends then why does he keep telling me he loves me and that he wants me to call him my cub?  If that’s not what any of this was for then I think we shouldn’t be talking to each other like that.  It also bothers me that Gerry isn’t at all affectionate when we talk.  Not the way Marshal is affectionate to me.  Gerry is more like a dead fish in that aspect, sorry to say.  I guess after what ever happened between him and his ex, he’s either afraid of relationships and commitment or he’s just flat out not interested.  I don’t know.  Maybe I’m just better off alone.

I’m apparently friends with a bunch of idiots.  I know for a fact that several of the people I know personally either voted third part or they didn’t vote at all.  Since the election, I have created an alternate Facebook account and dumped everyone I know on that account, leaving just about nothing but gays on my main account.  There are a few that are still there, but more on that in a minute.  I made the mistake of telling Whitney what I had done the last time we went out and that’s when she admitted that she voted third party.  The fuck?  And she mostly did it because of her relationship with Michael.  Then of course she starts whining that she doesn’t want me to remove her to the other group though I’m still tempted to.  At this point I’m so pissed that I’m tempted to just close my damn Facebook account altogether.

Speaking of my idiot friends, it seems that Jose is on the verge of (finally) getting a divorce from Millie.  Maybe once that happens I’ll exist in his world again, but I’m not holding my breath.  I frankly could care less if he gets a divorce or not as I have already written him off along with most of the others, either over the election thing or just because they’re just awful people and don’t really seem to care if myself and others like me have any rights or not.

Alex convinced me to buy Overwatch after I swore up and down that I didn’t really want anything to do with that game.  I’ve been playing it off and on with Al and after practicing with some of the characters for a bit I’m doing ok, but I’m not as good at it as I am with Destiny.  I just don’t really have the desire to learn a new shooter right now.  And I mean learn everything about it the way I did Destiny.  Alex also said that the others were going to play it with him (the others being Ron, Ron’s nephew Phil, Jose and I think some of his co-workers) but so far they haven’t.  Fgures.

Speaking of another “friend” (I use the word loosely to be honest.  At this stage since we haven’t spoken or seen each other in over a year I’ve downgraded our relationship to ‘acquaintance’) Beth was proposed to by Seth over Christmas.  Hopefully this works out for them.  It just kinda pisses me off that when she was single it was always ‘let’s do this or that’ and now that she has a boyfriend I’m out like the trash.

It kinda pisses me off that I was (I’m not now, but I was) trying to find a boyfriend that fit in with the group and that I could include others in whatever he and I did, but the others sure aren’t as courteous or inclusive (or at least they don’t seem to be, I could be wrong, but whatever).  Hopefully I don’t get asked to come to their wedding because I don’t want to go.  I’m just not terribly interested in doing all that crap for a third time.

Lastly, Thanksgiving and Christmas.  After the disaster that was the election, I figured it was going to be a total shit show since the Dziobas are a pretty conservative bunch, but fortunately for my sanity no one said anything about any of it.  There were a few sidelong looks from Jack and Mary, but that was to be expected.  I still just really hate the holidays.