Relationships, part 9

So I guess Potential #2 isn’t a potential partner anymore.

Got a call from work yesterday saying that I didn’t have to be in until 2:30am Monday, so I decided to sleep a little longer.  When I finally did wake up around midnight I picked up my phone and started scrolling down my Facebook timeline, as I usually do, only to come across a post from the group that I admin for where someone asked ‘how many of you date other gamers?’ and in the responses was Potential #2 saying that he’s dating a game developer.  After getting punched in the emotional bread basket, I just laid there for a minute staring at my phone.  My misery concealed in the darkness of my bedroom while my alarm clock is skwaking at me to get up and join the world of the living.

I mean, what the fuck?  Couldn’t he have bothered to tell me about this?  And it hurts all the more after yesterday’s conversation where I told him what I’d been thinking about since he was here that day.  It felt good to finally admit to him that I was worried that I was being pushy or aggressive in bed that day and that I liked him.  He said that he liked me too and that I wasn’t being pushy at all, he enjoyed what I did.  But now, what does it all mean?  I guess nothing.  I guess I’m just not good enough but to be someone’s fuck.

I feel so worthless right now.  I feel like it was all for nothing.  I don’t even know if I can just be his friend, not right now.  I guess when he was revealing his plans for what he was going to do with his life and I didn’t sense anywhere that I fit in, I should have taken that as a hint.  I’m only here to sleep with you, and that’s it is probably a fitting statement.

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