Relationships, part 1

So I wake up from my usual Saturday afternoon nap to find a message on Facebook from a boy I really like.  I had sent him one before I went to sleep.  We haven’t talked a lot this week because he’s been super busy with finals and a huge project, and I’ve been going all to hell at work learning how to use some new equipment and having to deal with it when things don’t work as designed.

In my groggy, half awake state I am my usual sweet self in my responses and he is equally as sweet in return.  I put my phone down and melt back into the dark recesses of my mind, thinking about what was said.  I’m happy, ecstatic, filled to the brim with joy.  He’s so sweet and so kind.  Maybe he’s the one?  I dunno.  It scares me a little.  What if I’m not good enough?  I re-read the conversation and smile to myself.  Then the ten ton weight hits me as I become more awake.  “You’re becoming such a dear friend.”  Crap, did I just get friend zoned? I think to myself and I sit up in my recliner.  Thanks self doubt, you really can’t stand to see me be happy about anything, can you?

I sit up and put my slippers on to go to the kitchen and make a coffee.  I gotta wake up and be alert because my Destiny fire team for the evening is coming online soon and the need me to be on point.  I stumble to the kitchen as the opening piano from a song fills my mind and I wait for the machine to finish making me a cup.  I realize I’m hungry and I look around the kitchen and spy the pizza box with leftover pepperoni pizza from lunch.  I make a disgusted face and settle for it since I’m in a hurry to write this all down before the emotions escape me.  Hurriedly, I take the cup, pour some milk in and dash back to my laptop forgetting the pizza entirely.  Grabbing my laptop, I compose my thoughts while songs fill the speakers in my headphones and the ceiling fan cools my coffee.  As I prepare for the evening’s festivities I can’t help but listen to that tiny voice of doubt in the back of my mind.  Hopefully a night with friends, pizza and hunting aliens will help quiet the storm.

All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you